What my big toe taught me about me
Crazy busy time for 2 years of working full time, going to evening school, late hours of work, thesis, running, working out, yoga, moving…Getting close to the final phase, I am so tired . But with the rhythm I am used to ; I am in denial that soon I will have a lot of free time and can take my time for everything… I don’t know why but I have this feeling of rush with yoga, with work , with my life… Then I try handstand posture that I have been trying to manage for a long time.
I get there, I do it !! I am so proud and give it a few more go and the 4th time, I fall…Wait, something is wrong .It doesn’t look like any of those falls, it is abrupt, violent , I feel a horrible pain ,not my head , nor my neck, my arm? Nooo, it is right there , in my big toe! I can’t move it, it seems dead but I still think it will pass as I have never broken any bones in my life, I cannot have broken it , just can’t , it is too long to heal , noo!!! The next day, I go to the doctor and he tells me it is broken, I have to stay lying home for some time… How on earth I managed to break my toe with this posture? I have mixed feelings but I know I will still not be free for some time.. On the same day, I defend my thesis and am graduated, heyyy!!
Big painful foot joined with a cane is my graduation gift. People ask me how it happened.. I gaze into the air and say I was doing yoga. Hmm what, how, yoga?? Well, it is not easy to believe it, right? I must be the first person on earth who managed to break a bone with Yoga!! Something here is completely wrong!
Finally it took me a few months to run again and wear my regular shoes. Your toe is your center; you are out of balance when your center is broken. Asian cultures see the foot as a second heart. Yes , right my heart was broken then ? What was this broken bone trying to tell me? It was certainly telling me to enjoy the moment rather than thinking about arriving at the destination in a rush. It was true, with my busy schedule , in the final phase , I had become that mechanical person counting the days and in the end, even my yoga practice was like a robotic performance practice to make progress, even at the point of forcing my body, that I had to get over with , this is so NOT yoga!
I was hopping around for a while but I never stopped my practice. I took it slowly, took pleasure of my each second with yoga. I was falling in love with it again because I had no choice but to live in the moment. No challenge, no performance, no forcing, just pleasure! I was putting on my music, getting on the mat, and breathing, going slow, paying attention to the sensations of each move.
Yes it was a painful experience and healing was certainly long but it reminded me to enjoy the moment with my yoga practice and then eventually with my life. I cannot explain you the joy I felt when I was able to run again after 3 months. This experience was a wakeup call on certain patterns I was repeating in my life at that time. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you each time you feel something is wrong in your life.
After all, you can’t force and shorten your arrival time to the destination you want to go. Start with not focusing on the destination in the first place. Everything in this universe has a natural flow and its own unique timing and when you force things, you just end up hurting yourself 😉